Come On Down: It's Time to Meet the Contestants for Top Chef: Texas
The folks over at Bravo have been teasing out info about the new contestants while they battle in court about your tax dollars. A set of clips released last week compiled a montage of each contestant and some of their dishes, drawn from the videos they submitted to enter the contest.
Andrew Curren polishing off a redneck porron in his trial video
When first published to the website the videos were still raw. Expletives flew, and suggestive lines filled many of the videos that have since been tamed by boring bleeps. Luckily, we transcribed the highlights before the clips were edited. We'll also save you from a really annoying cars.com commercial buried between each contestant clip.
Andrew Curren (pictured above) says Texas cooking isn't about Houston or Dallas or cowboys, and then fills a porron -- a Spanish glass vessel used for sharing wine -- with a mix of lemonade and Lone Star beer. Curren loves him a redneck shandy.
Chaz Brown is a self-proclaimed Padma Lakshmi stalker saying he had her picture in his locker in the seventh grade. Brown compares food to sex, citing that both actions involve putting things in peoples bodies. True, but creepy.
Chris Crary used to be fat. Now he's jogging shirtless on the beach. He say's he's attractive and mentions that he's absolutely not gay. Then while telling a story about a coworker, he refers to himself as always the bridesmaid, never the bride. He closes by saying he should picked because he's good looking and attractive (again) and that's what really matters, isn't it?
I wish he was still fat. Fat guys make better chefs.
Chris Jones has a lot to lose. His résumé is sterling and his skills are solid. With beady eyes blinking behind thick-rimmed glasses, shaggy hair and occasional outbursts, Jones is my number one pick for slicing a finger off or otherwise going off the deep end on the show. He's nuts.
Chuy Valencia loves his haters. Their energy gives him the seeds he likes to plant, sprout and turn into a plant that he date rapes. Valencia drops 7 or 8 additional F bombs and then tells you he's going to mind fuck you. All while roasting garlic. He also loves Justin Bieber and banging women -- although we're pretty sure those are mutually exclusive. He says he's trying to tone all that down, though, after an STD and pregnancy scare. We assume he means the women banging and not the Bieber-liking.
Colin Patterson has a vegetarian restaurant called Sutra. He's got a beard and a baby too. He composts and focuses on local ingredients and minimalism when he's not extreme skiing and breaking his face.