Green House Food Truck: Nice Sandwich, Just Not Cheap Enough for This Bastard

Categories: Cheap Bastard

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Each week, the Cheap Bastard goes looking for a new place to eat a meal for less than nine million dollars. This week, she checked out the Green House food truck, which sounds strangely healthy for Alice. For the truck's locations, check out this website.

Minutes I waited for my sandwich count: 3
Times I wondered how far that $7.50 could have gotten me with a hooker: 9

In a world of crazy concept food trucks, Green House's entry offers un-fusion-y, simple, accessible, Eatzi's-style food for your friend who's afraid of new food. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Look, sometimes, maybe you're not in the mood for another Korean BBQ Fried Fruit Loop Whoopie Pie Gut Bomb. Maybe you just want a sandwich.

If you're like, "I feel like paying $7.50 for a pretty good lunch," Green House is exactly the dependable, healthy-ish food truck you're looking for, you fun-fearing lunch eater. It offers a variety of straightforward salads, soups, rice bowls and sandwiches. It has vegetarian and even vegan-friendly options for you vegetarians and vegans who're like, "Seitan, you can go suck a dick. I just want some grilled veggies."

The day I tried Green House food truck, it was parked on Flora Street with the Ssahm BBQ food truck. The line at Ssahm was 15 people deep and there were somehow fewer than zero people waiting in line at Green House. Even the crickets were like, "Shitball, dude. Ssahm is way more popular than you. You should feel sad."

I was happy to see that there weren't any people in line at Green House because the only thing I hate more than dudes who wear skinny jeans and expect not to be made fun of is waiting in a stupid long line for lunch. So, I walked right up to the Green House truck and ordered the $7.50 miso steak sandwich (toasted ciabatta, basil pesto, grilled zucchini, peppers and onions).

Let's talk about that $7.50 price point, shall we? For a sandwich? Just the sandwich? What, is this thing made with magical minotaur steaks? Or is it bigger than my stupid big face? Do they use dollar bills as the greens on this thing? When they say "toasted ciabatta" do they mean it has the weed drug in it?

Nope. Just regular everything.

Like a lot of hooker-buying guys say, I would've enjoyed this a lot more if it had been free. If you're having a lunch meeting at work and these guys cater it and you get to eat this food for free, you'll probably really like this sandwich. I was just bummed that I paid $7.50 plus tax for it and had to eat it within smellshot of Ssahm's kimchee fries.

Follow City of Ate on Twitter. Follow me at @thecheapbastard.

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10 comments
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ObserverFan
ObserverFan

You wanna get really pissed off? Go to Cafe Express and order a sandwich.

Jayme Nunzio
Jayme Nunzio

The flow of this article is terrible and your syntax does not even make sense. Let's just chalk it up to, one too many beef product's stuffed in your big Texas face.

-A Concerned Foodie

Beda
Beda

I understand that high sandwich price point.  I went to Murray Street Coffee House on Friday and ordered a mozarella and tomato sandwich, didn't see the price listed.  the tea was medium or large, they said no free refills (heresy) so I asked for water instead.  then when i saw $9 show up on the cash register as the price of the sandwich only, I had them cancel the order. She seemed suprised that I might think $9 was too high, even with a "side" (a piece of fruit, a cookie or a bag of chips). 

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

" , , , the tea was medium or large, they said no free refills (heresy)"Obviously not from around here very long.  There are even out-of-state places that never heard of iced tea, much less the free refills.  You might try educating them next visit; they just may not know what they are doing.  They probably pronounce Waco as "wack-o."

Kergo 1 Spaceship
Kergo 1 Spaceship

Fire eff'ing Ron Washington, and hire Terry Francona.......what I witnessed the past two nights was disgusting-putrid!

Kergonator
Kergonator

$7.50 with a hooker gets you a passing glance of stinky bum, or a quick glance at the needle tracks-POW.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

This part of the article confused me because I thought women always got it for free, even with women.  I have seen movies where actresses portray older women who pay men, who are usually portrayed by actors like Jon Voight or Richard Gere. but I thought the women-buying -men parts of the movies were completely fictional plot devices. 

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

Alice, you really ordered a vegetarian sandwich?  Are you OK?  Loved the art in the food tools.  Reminded me of Lynda Barry. 

Beda
Beda

i think the word "steak" was in her sandwich description.

primi_timpano
primi_timpano

Beda,Thx.  I was reading Alice's article and all the vegan and vegetarian items and all the ciabatta, basil pesto, grilled zucchini, peppers and onion, and all that vegan-veggie stuff and ingredients must have overwhelmed my usually effective reading comprehension, so I figured miso steak was some chinese factory fake meat product, like Quorn or worse, and I thought "WTF, our Alice is ordering a vegan-veggie sandwich with ersatz probably-Made-in-China meat, in the very shadow of a Texas B-B-Q truck."  Surprise quickly shifted to concern for her physical and mental health, and then I remembered the DO food section is down to about two contributors, and with Alice ill and Lauren being unjustly accused of food reporter interview felonies involving  ethical violations re her Dude article (she is being framed and her character executed by some self proclaimed Summa Cumma Laude Culinary Institute of America graduate protector, yeah really), we CoA readers would only have Scott and the rest of the B Team left at DO.  And with Scott not being from anywhere near here--not even Louisiana or Mexico, he probably doesn't even know that ice tea is made with Lipton and served unsweetened with free refills.

So anyway, Beda,thanks for righting my world, and maybe put in a good word for Lauren before her plight is elevated to the VVM world headquarters where anything bad can happen and more often than not usually does.

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