Can We Get Some More Old-School Chivalry Up in Here

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Rumors of chivalry's death have been greatly exaggerated, but this much is true: Gentlemanly code has evolved over time into something much less suave, especially in bars and restaurants. But with a little creativity you can bring it back. Follow these steps and you'll be doing the jitterbug quicker than you can say "Carrie Nation hatchetation."

Make An Entrance
The ultimate suave move was epitomized in a classic scene from the movie Goodfellas. Ray Liotta escorts Lorraine Bracco to the back door of the Copacabana, with Liotta coolly slipping tips to the various doormen and hosts as they arrange an impromptu table right in front of the stage. While this may seem relatively simple, I cannot tell you how many times I've taken a girl down a back alley and pounded unsuccessfully on the rear door of a restaurant.

Tip: The key here is letting her know you're somebody. The easiest way to do that is calling somebody by their name. Or, just make up names. When you walk into a restaurant, say "Where's the P-Man? You guys finally give him a day off?"

Something to Sip On
One of the cornerstones of being a Man's Man is confidently nailing a drink order for a lady. During Prohibition, you'd pick up a dame, make your way through the dimly lit speakeasy and mutter something classy to the bartender like, "Gimme two old fashioneds, and make 'em whistle." Today's equivalent is elbowing your way through a crowd of non-judicious ass-grabbers only to be stumped by the decision of whether to order her a royal fuck or something with the word "bomb" in it.

Tip: You're going to have a tough time laying the charm on her if you've got Young Jeezy blaring in the background, so find somewhere a little quieter. A great place to step back in time and sip an Old Fashioned is the Cedars Social. The old-school cocktail joint with the tome of drink choices excels at this classic.

Win Her Over With the Dish
Speaking of ordering for the lady, placing a food order for a date has become as rare as a State Fair salad. A guy used to be able to give a menu two-second look, then expertly request a dish each for himself and his squeeze. These days, there are mountains of dietary, allergy and disease concerns that have suddenly hamstrung a man's gastronomical telepathy. Perhaps in the future there will be dating sites devoted solely to various eaters' preferences, such as celiacsingles.com or databetes.com. There's also the fact that women can pretty much order for themselves just fine, and seem to prefer it that way. But what fun is that?

Tip: Plenty of food joints have made accommodations for different folks' needs, but it's always best to play it safe. Whichever restaurant you decide upon, insist on grabbing a drink at the bar first, so you two can look over the menu together and find out if your date has any preferences without making her fill out a survey.

Once you have all the intel you need, head to the table and order away. And be ready to duck.



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22 comments
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum
Sturms_Bloody_Rectum

I always order for my lady. I have to, as I'm in the drivers seat, while in the Jack-n-the-Box drive thru. I'll take a small iced tea and a small cheeseburger. My lady will have #4 super size, double order of jalapeno's, onion rings, cheese cake, and a extra order of fry's.

twinwillow
twinwillow

The last time I took a girl down a back alley, I was successful because it wasn't the restaurant door I was pounding.

Sybils_Beaver
Sybils_Beaver

Chivalry died when woman decided they wanted rights.  Once they started holding the "P" hostage and that they could make their own decisions, welp, have fun opening your own door and ordering your own food. 

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

Last I checked we're in Texas! Which happens to be located in Amurica! Unless you're dating Hellen Keller, the restaurants I frequent thrown down two menus..one for her and one for me.  I know what I want to order within 30 seconds, she doesn't ...Sooooo, when the waiter comes back with my first beera and asks if we need more time..I say Yessir, and bring me another beer while you're on a walkabout.

Coleman
Coleman

You know why "ordering food/drinks for the lady" is so rare? because it's misogynistic as fuck and people have more sense these days. well, usually.

MoronDog
MoronDog

When we are dipping Skoal, do I offer to let her use my spit cup?

primi timpano
primi timpano

What about opening doors, helping with the chair, rising when she leaves/arrives at the table, help with the coat, offer your jacket if the temperature is too cold for her comfort.  And of course, paying the bill.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

This is so true. They even want equal wages and a female president.  Unbelievable.

Davy Crockett
Davy Crockett

In my day, she ate whatever the hell I killed.

PlanoDave
PlanoDave

There are two ways this can be handled.

One is you telling her what she is having for dinner.  The other is you telling the waiter what she wants for dinner. 

I wouldn't want to be in arms reach (or throwing distance) from my girlfriend if I did the first, but she seems to think it is sweet when I do the second.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

I don't mind ordering food if I can tell her what to do later. Clean the kitchen, iron my clothes, mow the lawn. Sadly, my wife doesn't think this is a great chivalrous tradeoff.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

most dumb bitches cant figure out what the fuck they want, so why should a dude even try to order for her anymore, she will just bitch and tell you you aint getting no beav bc the food you ordered was shitty

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

The wifey would prefer my Cope-bottle to be out of plain view..and the lid very tight..(long story)

therrick
therrick

A gentleman would give her Kodiak and her own spittoon

Chuck G.
Chuck G.

No, I let her keep the coat on. Helps cover up her fat.

Bastion of Truth
Bastion of Truth

The last time I opened a car door for a chick, she looked at me crazy and told me she could handle the door just fine, I proceeded to tell her, well I hope you handle the door better than you handled my johnson last night.  At least we both laughed

primi timpano
primi timpano

Is it misogynistic to ask her for her preferences and then place her order with the waitress?

primi timpano
primi timpano

LOL.  I once sent flowers to a TCU coed the morning after and she dropped me on the spot.  Another girl hated, she even sneered, when I held any door for her.  That didn't last long either.

TheRealDirtyP1
TheRealDirtyP1

the only time I'll order for any woman is if this marriage doesn't work and I have to get one of those Russian mail order ones. I'll pick the mexican food, as obviously she won't know what to order.

ScottsMerkin
ScottsMerkin

yes, bc generally you ask once she changes her mind 5 times, then tells you to decide for her, my general response in all future situations will be "fuck off decide for yourself"

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