Sushi & Rice Express: Alice Drives Through Like Evel Knievel's Bastard Child
Sushi & Rice Express
8131 Forest Lane
Other cars in the drive-through count: 0
Wet towels air-drying right next to the drive-through menu count: 50
Drive-throughs? Good. Sushi? Goooood. Put them together and you have Sushi & Rice Express. I slow-clap my chopsticks at you, Sushi & Rice Express, for you have done what others haven't dared to do: You've made sushi into fast food.
Fancy sushi places charge you a jillion dollars and make you wait like eight hours for salmon sashimi. How the fuck long does it take to slice fish and throw it on a plate with a wasabi ball? "Oh, at least eight hours. But, that's because every fish is caught with our bare hands immediately after you order it. Plus our salmon is fancy-grade, and the fancy dude who slices it has to do Pilates to get his mind right before he uses his fancy knife. Also, our fancy fish probably maybe won't give you food poisoning." Blow me, fancy sushi places. If I'm not risking my life eating sashimi, what's the point?
Grocery store sushi from Central Market and Whole Foods is less expensive than fancy sushi places, but you have steal a parking spot from an expectant mother and then elbow a buncha hippies out of the way to get a day-old dragon roll. Then, you have to wait in line for minutes behind some bitch who brought her filled-to-the-brim cart into the express line because she thinks you won't say anything. So, then you have to point at her and yell, "THIS BITCH IS CHEATING!" Not to mention that you already had to walk somewhere to get your food. Walking's the worst.
Open sesame? Is sushi Middle Eastern?
Thank the sushi gods for drive-through Sushi & Rice Express. I sat in my environment-ruiner and ordered their spicy salmon roll ($4.25), the tempura shrimp roll ($4.25), the chicken jalapeño roll (a.k.a. the Roll For People Who Don't Like Sushi a.k.a. The Complete Bastardization of The Sushi Roll Which Was Already The Complete Bastardization of Sushi) and their chicken lo mein ($5.69).
I waited in my idling car for 10 minutes in the nonexistent line at the drive-through. So, not the fastest drive-through, but I did get to watch through the window as the dude made my rolls to order. And they have a kickass misting thing hanging from the drive-through window that sprays water in your face while you wait. So, that's awesome.
The sushi was better than grocery store sushi and half the price. Plus, I'm alive 24 hours later! Win! And that chicken lo mein was delicious. If you go here for sushi, stay for the Chinese food they're serving up. It's way better than Panda Blowspress.