Debating the Merits of Cake Balls, Cake Pops, and Other Cake Bastardizations

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In the spirit of debate season, we're trying to settle our grievances civilly: with scathing innuendo and name calling. The topic this time: Cake.

Justin Bitner, City of Ate contributor: How did cake let things get so out of hand? It used to be so wonderfully two dimensional: cup or sheet. That was it. Now we've got cake pops, cake balls, Oreo Cakesters -- there's no end to the variations. Where does the madness end? The first two, pops and balls (which sounds like the name of a candy shop you would open, Alice) are the same thing, except one has a stick in it. If we don't end this baked schizophrenia, pretty soon we'll be seeing cake cubes, cake trapezoids and cake buckets.

Alice Laussade, City of Ate Cheap Bastard: Uh ... cake buckets sound amazing. Anybody making feed bag cakes yet? If so, sign my face up. Cake is good. Feed it to my face in any and every way you can think of (Except poop cakes. There. Line drawn.) I'll be the happiest Cakester ever. To quote Greg Behrendt, "I will go anywhere, if there might be cake." Cake can't get out of hand. Cake makes you happy always. Cake is the Betty White of the dessert world. Cakes are there for you in happiness to make you happier and in sadness to make you happier. Having a baby? Here's a cake. Getting divorced? There's a cake for that, too. Cakes are all happy all the time. Don't hate on cakes.

Justin: If cake is the Betty White of the dessert world, then cake balls are the Snooki of the dessert world: short, round and incomprehensibly popular. Cake, in its classic form, is incredible. I've never seen anybody crying eating a beautiful square of cake. But if I had a nickel for every time I've seen a bawling four year old chasing a cake ball downhill, I'd be running this joint. (Editor's note: Why?) I don't need my cake to be on the stylistic cutting edge, I just need to it sit quietly on a plate and prepare to get forked.

Alice: I can concede that cake balls are the Snooki of the dessert world (but only because both cake balls and Snooki always have balls in them). But more importantly, why are you throwing little kids' cake balls down hills? And why are these kids dumb enough to stand near hills whilst cake-ballin'? Finally, will you be using these many nickels to open a cake bucket factory? I hope so. Let me know when it opens so I can bring you a Congrats On Your Cake Bucket Factory cake bucket.

The Winner
Cake.

The Loser
Whoever's balls are in Snooki.

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11 comments
mynameisURL
mynameisURL

Cake is fine, balls are fine.

But, Deep fried Strawberry Waffle Balls!

BALLLLLLLLLLLLS.

WAFFLLLLLLLLES

STRAWWWWWBERRRRRIES!

FRIED! (deeply)

Screw cake.

Deep-sigh
Deep-sigh

Paula Deans Red Velvet Cake Ballllsssss.....soooo good.

Jim
Jim

And who doesn't serve cake after a meal? What kind of people? Would it kill them to put out a pound cake? Something!

Gipson
Gipson

This debate was over before it began. Cake balls are superior in every way.

Noah W. Bailey
Noah W. Bailey

I vastly prefer cake balls to actual cake. I can sample like, 4 or 5 kinds of cake and put it in the same stomach space that would have housed one boring slice of regular cake. Plus, you waste fewer forks and tiny-plates-with-balloons-on-them this way. And it's got to be so much easier for the cake pros to transport a pile of cake balls or cupcakes or cake pops to a wedding instead of some giant fondant-bedecked monstrosity. Winner: Cake balls. Loser: Old fogey cake defenders. Get with it, olds.

TLS
TLS

Cake is going the distance and yet it is never there.  Cake wears a short skirt and a looooooooooong jacket.  Cake.

Slappy White
Slappy White

That was a waste of fucking time. Bored much?

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