Obama's Home-Brewin' Won't Cut It. So: Five Foodie Ideas To Prop Up the Prez.

Categories: Whimsy

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With Oktoberfest and other events coming up, it's High Beer Season, which explains why the White House has been serving up some of his homebrews.

But why stop with beer? House-made anything is a worthy endeavor that rewards the laborer with a fresh, interesting product you can serve with a side of self-satisfaction, and that wins over guests every time.

To that end, we've compiled a short list of other crafty cooking activities we think the President should indulge. They might even help his campaign.

House-Cured Ham: The art of charcuterie has increased in popularity in restaurants all over the country, but it's hardly a new practice. Old timers have been curing smoked hams all over the South for centuries. And, yeah, the president might need some help in the South. Firing up a smokehouse on the south lawn couldn't hurt.

Wine-making: Obama could have the FLOTUS grow some vineyard grapes in the White House garden for wine, though I think his potential successor has that process down cold. Perry just needs to tap into an aquifer, wave his magic can of hairspray and voila, MIRACLE SAUVIGNON!

Home-made sauerkraut: It's a stinky business, but I'm sure there's some space in a basement bunker where he can tuck away a barrel or two. I know the Prez hails from the land of Chicago-style hot dogs, but he's going to have to get to know other toppings if he wants to connect with the rest of the country.

Herb Gardening: With a little help from his Northern California supporters, Obama could grow something special in the First Lady's garden and turn it into tasty brownies. Trust us, Mr. President. It makes Fox News even funnier.

Home-made Challah: Two reasons. 1. Because you're gonna need a lot of Egyptians to fuck up a lot of embassies to win back Bibi. 2. Challah french toast.


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5 comments
Bobby Metzinger
Bobby Metzinger

This is the worst article in the history of American "journalism." There's absolutely nothing that will help Obama in 2012. Keep drinking your Obama-brand Kool-Aid. 

Coleman
Coleman

growing weed in the white house garden would pretty much guarantee my vote.

Chris Danger
Chris Danger

Bobby, its called "satire", perhaps you dont understand the concept of it and/or the same kind of person who doesnt understand rhetoric as well...Scott, ignore this knucklehead...;)

JesseHughey
JesseHughey

Kool-Aid! Of course! How did that not get on the list?

therrick
therrick

Shouldn't satire be funny?

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