Ten Fictional Foods (and Beverages, Of Course) We Wish Were Real

By Justin Bitner Fri., Sep. 23 2011 at 10:01 AM

"Mmm-mmmm, that is a tasty buger."

Throughout movie and television history, there have been fake foods and drinks that have given us the urge to punch through our TVs and force-feed the goods into our faces. Here we stroll through of our favorite faux products.

Big Kahuna Burger

Screw In-N-Out, this is the burger chain we really want to come to Texas. They could sling out burgers just as tasty as the ultra-hyped California transplant. Plus they could steal In-N-Out's Bible verse bit and reference Ezekiel 25:17 on the bottom of their wrappers.

Brawndo
The "Thirst Mutilator" and unexpectedly potent fertilizer, Brawndo was one of the genius concepts devised by Mike Judge for the movie Idiocracy. Brawndo's main selling point was that it had electrolytes, which seems pretty tame compared to the catchphrases companies are flinging at us these days.

Vitameatavegamin
A classic fake product introduced on I Love Lucy was Vitameatavegamin. Touted as a general cure-all product with numerous unnamed health benefits, it secretly contained 23 percent alcohol. While shockingly strong for the 50s, here at City of Ate we call that breakfast.

Kenny Rogers' Roasters

While the Kenny Rogers' Roasters chain did at one point exist, even the ringing endorsement of an entire Seinfeld episode couldn't vault the company's fortunes into the KFC stratosphere. Perhaps it had something to do with the blistering red beacon bathing Kramer's apartment in UV rays. The Roasters are now primarily in Asian countries, while we're told Kenny himself is suspended upside down in a cryogenic chamber somewhere beneath the Smoky Mountains.

Krabby Patty
As a cartoon marketed for kids, but equally appealing to adults, you know Spongebob's going to have some serious grub. Amongst the barnacle loafs and fried oyster skins, a champion rises above all: the Krabby Patty. The wonderful subaquatic burger appeals to the land-dwellers young and old. The barnacle loafs, not so much

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cartman

Did everyone forget about Chocolate salty balls?

mynameisURL

I am relieved that I don't see one reference to "Butterbeer" in any of these comments.

There is hope for this world after all...

Lolotehe

I seem to remember a Kahuna burger in Denton off Fry street (back in the 90s). I remember it was not a tasty burger.

Kevin Kirby

Brawndo was being sold, but its production run has ended.

http://www.brawndo.com/

http://cravedfw.com/2011/07/14... You gotta wake up earlier champ.

Joel Killtronix

This list is useless without the mention of the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster from Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy:

"The best drink in existence is the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster. The effect of drinking one of these is rather like having your brains smashed out with a slice of lemon, wrapped around a large gold brick. The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy will tell you on which planets the best ones are brewed, how much you can expect to pay for one, and which voluntary organizations exist to help you recover afterwards."

Izabela Wojcik

Oh my God! I love Idiocracy!!! It's the perfect ratio of smart to dumb. (must see it soon)

Hutch

betty white's Dusty Muffin

Fischer

Good idea for a blog post :)

dwinkle

Chocolate dipped frozen bananas do, in fact exist.

twinwillow

Yes they do! I distinctly remember eating my first one in Newport, California many years ago.

danger mouse

lets try something that would really sell. Bacon Burger Dog. Cliff always knew how to eat. everything else is a dream. what would a duff really taste like, in and out sucks and alien foods would kill us. whats more american than really tasty grilled grease in abundance. mmmmmmmm gooood