Five Ways Drunk Folk Justify Drinking

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As if you needed another reason to have a beer besides "It's Hump Daaaaay!" and "It's daytime!" and "I like beer!," here are five "facts" drunks will throw at you to convince you that getting hammered is actually good for you.

"Wine is nature's sunblock!" -- your mom and these scientists 

A recent study shows that wine acts as a pretty legit sunblock. Allegedly, the flavonoids in grapes help protect human skin from ultraviolet radiation. "Yes, it's a 1980 Merlot. SPF 30."

"PBR is good for your heart!" -- that old, bearded dude at Lee Harvey's and some actual doctors

Studies show that moderate amounts of alcohol can reduce the risk of heart attack. Key word here: moderate.

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"Shut up. This Cosmo is adding years to my life." --  Every Real Desperate Housewives housewife and this study.

Wired says a new study, published in the journal Alcoholism: Clinical and Experimental Research, finds that "abstaining from alcohol increases risk of dying." We're guessing it's probably related to the shock of being sober and realizing just how annoying your drunk friends are. There's only so much "Freebird" the sober human body to handle.

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"Mike's Hard Lemonade works as advertised, ladies." -- Affliction t-shirted Ghostbar pick-up artist and these Aussies

Kew-Kim Chew, an epidemiologist at the University of West Australia in Nedlands conducted a survey of some Australian dudes which showed that drinkers experienced rates of impotence 25% to 30% below non-drinkers.

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"Booze makes Kings of Leon almost not suck." -- Everyone at any Kings of Leon show ever

A recent Rolling Stone study shows that Kings of Leon doesn't even like Kings of Leon. 

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Mike Mezeul

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14 comments
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inanna74
inanna74

I gotta wonder if the reason why abstainers are more likely to die or be impotent might have something to do with the fact that if you're sick enough to need medication that you aren't allowed to drink with, you're fixing to die anyway.

gia
gia

well, good thing it's written on his BACK.

Jj
Jj

weak!

fail
fail

Srsly? haha

Titus Groan
Titus Groan

My method is taking over the evening's cooking.  If I gotta put wine in the dish, might as well have a glass.  Or three.

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