There Is Never A Good Excuse For Bad Guacamole

By Scott Reitz Thu., Jul. 21 2011 at 9:31 AM

Earlier this week I mentioned a few Tex-Mex joints that are serving up some pretty sub-par guac. Ever ready to jump into the fray, a few Aters chimed in, saying I'd simply gone to the wrong restaurants. But the thing is, there's no excuse for bad guacamole. Ever.

If you want to see, walk to your favorite supermarket and find the section where fresh and green things live. Locate the avocados. Look for dark, almost black wrinkled skin. Pick it up with your hands and ... careful now ... gently press against the fruit with your thumb. It should give slightly. Squeeze with your whole hand. Be ginger. You should feel no air pockets, just a soft wet clay texture beneath taut skin.

With guacamole, ingredient selection is everything. Grab a lime. It's in the section with green things, too. No, not that plastic one. A real lime, or a lemon will do.

Now find a quiet place. Cut the avocado open. If you chose wisely, admire its color, first yellow like sunshine in the center then fading to a dark forest green without any gray or black. Slice it any way you like, as long as you end up with large dices. Squeeze the lemon. Sprinkle some salt. Crystal crunchy Kosher please or maybe something sexy from the sea.

Now eat. Be a glutton. Devour the product of your simple labor, and do it quickly. Every second that passes renders avocados more oxidized and stale. Want to get nuts? Mash in some cilantro or some chili for heat. The faintest whisper of garlic if you must, but it's really not necessary. This is the essence of guacamole: One of nature's most perfect foods enjoyed simply as it should be.

Tags:

guacamole, Tex-Mex

We Recommend

Alice Laussade

Did you say "chili?" Uh oh.

brian

The guacamole i got from the Mexican friend mother is pretty much this...with onion OR jalapenos. never both. Avocado, salt, lime, and onion is my favorite. she said they never have more than a few fresh ingredients.

G_David

You people that are commenting are idiots. Guacamole should never, EVER have more than 4 ingredients. What a bunch of gringos.

Scott DFW

From Ricardo Muñoz Zurita's Diccionario Enciclopédico de Gastronomía Mexicana: "Guacamole: Salsa of ripe avocados mashed and mixed with green chile, tomato, chopped onion and cilantro, and salt." I guess the author of one of the most authoritative Spanish-language texts on Mexican cuisine is an idiot and a gringo.

G_David

Exactly.

Brenda Cusick

I would ALSO disagree that an avocado has to be "... dark, almost black wrinkled skin." - those are only Hass - and grocery store Hass at that! Some of the best guacamole comes from what I like to call "heritage" or heirloom avocados. Give me a nice, soft MacArthur or Edrinol - now THAT is a guacamole! Check them out at www.avocadodiva.com

Brent D.

Ideas for next comment gettin' post: Chili, BBQ, CFS or meatloaf.

Taylor Adams

I share your disappointment in the guacamole. It seems whatever comes slopped on the plate has been refrigerated for four days, yet still has an artificial color of "green." However, I have better luck with ordering table-side guacamole. Do your complaints extend to the fresher version of the dip?

Scott Reitz

That's what I'm going for! This is more about choosing an avocado that's perfectly ripe and then treating it with only a few ingredients that makes sense. Day old guac sucks no matter what you put in it. Mayonnaise what? Table-side is great, but the most important thing is choosing the right fruit and using it fast.

Travwitmer

Snarkiess only works when you know what you are talking about, Your guacamole is both boring and wrong.

Catherine Horsey

"Taught" skin?

Joe Tone

Blugh. Thanks, Catherine. Fixed.

"walk to your favorite supermarket" something tells me you may be the only person who'd walk in 100 million degrees to buy your avocados. (:

You just got paid to type up a recipe for a cut up avocado. I'm in the wrong business.

Storm_71

I have to agree with most of the other comments. What your describing is just cut up avocados. Nothing wrong with but it's not guacomole. Maybe it is in New York but not in Texas.

Lee

Nice post. It's always funny to me when people ask for my "recipe" for guacamole. It's just like restaurants in Mexico serve it: a perfect (and perfectly ripe) avocado, smushed roughly or cut in large chunks (not pureed) with a nice sprinking of Kosher salt, and some cilantro, serranos, and onions on the side to mix as you like. No garlic or other spices or herbs needed and certainly not any sour cream or mayo or anything like that. Even the lime is not always necessary.

Jharris

I think the Marylander just got a point deduction for telling a bunch of Texans how to make guac. Don't worry, Scott, you have plenty of time to make up for it. Maybe, you should tell us how to make a good grab cake.

Mashed up avacado is good, but not guac.

JesseHughey

Hmm. My wife's guac is my favorite and she usually adds a couple tablespoons of her fresh homemade salsa, which is blended tomatoes, jalapeño, cilantro, onion and garlic plus lime juice. Also, to keep it from oxidizing so fast, leave an avocado pit in the bowl.

Dailyreader

To me, an avacado is the "fruit" and guacamole is the avacado with everything else added and mixed in - onion, tomato, cilantro, garlic and lime/lemon.

Cyndi Long

Wow. That recipe sounds a lot like the sub-par "guacamole" that Avila's serves. It blows me away that a restaurant with pretty much everything else figured out would serve mashed up avocado as guac. I asked a worker why they don't add the usual (cilantro, onion and garlic,) and he implied that the owner insists on making what the white people like. Ugh.

jon from tjs

disagree on the garlic - i like garlicy guac, but that's personal preference

Nic Rodriguez

Simple, fresh ingredients are the key to a good guacamole. Hell, I've been known to just cut slices of avocado and eat them on my tacos. Nothing wrong with eating some plain avocado...which is what you're describing.

If you don't like guacamole and just want the avocado, salt and lime...eat it like that. Just understand it isn't guacamole.

Cyndi Long

You're on the money. And, I know this is generalizing, but with a name like Rodriguez, you probably know what the hell you're talking about.