Poop Burgers? Actual Poop Burgers? You're Shitting Me.

Categories: Whimsy


You're a serious foodie. You regularly say shit like, "I'll try anything" and "I'm totally adventurous -- let's get the weirdest thing on the menu," and "When in Rome, ellipsis."

And so, dear Adventurous Foodie, we bring you the day you hoped would never come. Enter: the doo doo burger. We're not talking cow patties here, we're talking human. Fee. Ces. People poops. Lady dumps and man dumps, smashed through an "exploder" to create a low fat, high poop "burger."

You can thank Mitsyuki Ikeda, Japanese scientist from the Environmental Assessment Center in Okayama.

From Inhabit.com...

"Ikeda, a scientist at the Environmental Assessment Center in Okayama, sought to further the field of alternative proteins by recycling a form of protein-rich waste : sewage mud.

"Sewage mud" is exactly what you think it is -- poop. Ikeda's process begins by extracting protein and lipids from the "mud." The lipids are then combined with a reaction enhancer, then whipped into "meat" in an exploder. Ikeda then makes the poop more savory, by adding soya and steak sauce.

...He also notes that the burgers are extremely low in fat."

Thumbnail image for shitburger.jpg
Nonono, it's fine. The sewer flavor is killed by the heat!
We thought there was nothing in the world that would make tempeh sound appealing. How could we have been so wrong? Hoax people, will you please tell us this peopleshit burger shit is bullshit?

Ikeda's all, "They're low in fat!" Still poop, Ikeda. He'd be like, "They can help reduce greenhouse gas emissions, y'all!" Still poop. "Whatever, you've been eating Taco Bell and we all know that junk's way more disgusting than eating your own trots."

We haven't heard anything official yet, but it's a safe bet that R. Kelly's probably already got a franchise in the works.



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17 comments
poop deluxe
poop deluxe

i tried da SH1T burger and let me tell ya i liked it but my breath had a funny smell and i had a lil bit stuck in my teeth dut iwashed it down wit P1SS shake and had a great day also try da diarrea deluxe it was also tasty

fascinero
fascinero

Woof, woof!   *licks lips*.

Jannuzi
Jannuzi

Complete utter hoax. The fact that the video ends with a scene in front of a building in China says it all. Perhaps at one time someone undertook the project--perhaps in order to figure out ways to feed it to cattle or pigs or something. What they feed these animals now is not too far off. 

Gary
Gary

This project is probably being funded by McDonalds.

POOH BEAR
POOH BEAR

Jamie Oliver this is what you've been waiting for!

JonathanG
JonathanG

Do not let Mary Suhm see that video. She might get ideas...

wat wat
wat wat

Doo Doo Burger is good, but, "I perfer" (like Dos Equis guy) Fat Ho Burger.

Kelly
Kelly

And you all gave me *?@$! about my (meat)balls?

TLS
TLS

Well, this would all be new to me since I don't poop.

Grossed Out
Grossed Out

Alice, that's truly the most disgusting video I've seen on the DO website, but I had to LOL at the label on Ikeda's mini fridge: SHIT BURGER.

J
J

Maybe to get people over the "psychological barrier", they shouldn't label them "shit burgers" (as seen on the fridge door)...

Theendsbeginning
Theendsbeginning

I guess if I fed u an alkaseltzer you would explode like a bird?

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