A Dispatch From the Frisco In-N-Out, Where Hundreds Wait in Line For Food, Animal-Style

Categories: Food News, Whimsy

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Photos by Alice Laussuade
Here's the scene at you-know-where:

Hundreds of people are in line. Guys in In-N-Out uniforms (plus that shitty hat) direct drive-thru traffic. A refrigerated 18-wheeler sits outside, full of back-up meats.

If you are one of the hundreds who are in town, dying for a double-double, you can rest assured that In-N-Out will not run out of food on this day of days.

Yes, you will have to wait. And then you will have to wait some more. But, eventually you will be allowed to pay a cashier some money so that you can then wait some more and then eat.

Things here are certifiably crazy. Not party crazy. Not cute crazy. No -- people are actually losing their minds as they wait for this food. I begin to fear that if anything goes wrong, the crowd will turn ugly. "You know I ordered a 4X4, bitch!!!"

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A cashier speaks through the somehow-already-crappy-and-static-y intercom, "Number 85." Four-foot tall dude next to me in an Affliction shirt screams, "This is it!!!!!" And takes his tray full of food off the counter like it's full of unicorn gold.

After he takes a bite, I ask him how it tastes. Scott says it's "the best burger ever." Someone near me groans. "Dude -- you can't say that's the best burger you've ever tasted. I mean, c'mon -- it's fast food."

Scott says he used to work at In-N-Out. I ask him if he's ever been to Adair's. He says, "What's Adair's?"

Hatch, the most reasonable person I meet on this day, waited in line with me for at least an hour. He's here buying food for the entire office, hoping to get back to a meeting by 1 p.m. It's only 9:30 and we're both worried for him. "They put up palm trees? In a Bed, Bath & Beyond parking lot?" It's like you're inside my brain, Hatch.

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Kevin got here at 10:30 p.m. last night and camped out, and when I ask him if the food lived up to the hype, he says, "I've completely cleaned up my flavor saver-- no sauce anywhere on me, licked the plate clean. So, yeah. It was great."

But, do I trust the opinion of someone who waited in line overnight for a burger? I had to check for crazy. "So, Kev -- do you believe Osama Bin Laden's really dead?" Kevin: (without missing a beat) "Man, I've got a picture of him DRT, dead right there, on my phone. Hang on."

Bryan, from San Diego, says the burger at In-N-Out is fantastic and that the Frisco version tastes just as good as the ones in California. "They don't franchise, so it's all the same quality, wherever. It's not like Hooters -- we've been to Hooters everywhere and their food isn't the same everywhere."

Checking for crazy with Bryan, "Okay, so who's got a bigger package, Chuck Norris or Fergie from the Black Eyed Peas?" Bryan says, "Always go with Chuck Norris." Wrong answer, Nutjob.

A girl wearing an In-N-Out t-shirt and a baseball cap ("You can't buy them here, you have to get it online!!!") yells above the crowd noise, "I've been waiting for this for eight years!" I apologize to her.

After an hour or so waiting in line, I order the double-double, animal-style. Because, ya know, everyone's doing it. Get my fries animal-styled, too, remembering that they sucked in California and hoping that covering them in Thousand Island dressing would make them taste better:

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The burger is good. The fries still suck. But, superfans don't care. Nostalgia is a huge part of why people lose their minds over this place. Even people who love In-N-Out are like, "Yeah, the fries are gross -- but that doesn't matter." Doesn't it? For my money, clearly In-N-Out's burger is way better than Wendy's. But so's a kick in the tits.


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14 comments
colleeforneea
colleeforneea

people, pleeeez.  it has nothing to do with the burger. or the fries. or the shake. or the tit-kicking animal style. it's because it's from california, and dallas wants to be...like california. same reason people wear shirts that advertise hollister (cali).

M3atcak3
M3atcak3

In and out burger isn't any better than say...sonic. people need to get over it.

rudekarl
rudekarl

Oh, and that platter of food reminds me of something my cat threw up. Animal style must mean someone in the back vomits all over your meal. Yummy.

rudekarl
rudekarl

Great scene on the 5 PM news tonight. The first guy in line is some over-inked, obese, gangster wanna be. He slept out for a few days to be first in line to get his 3000 calorie heart attack on. Is this why Al-Qaeda wants to attack us - because they hate us for our freedom?

They really ought to show this news video to everyone around the world that despises our way of life. No reason to spend a lot of time and effort trying to wipe us out, we're doing a fine job of it on our own. What's next? Allowing guns in the classroom - ha, that'll never happen.

MattL1
MattL1

I haven't had In-N-Out in a few years, but I always remembered liking the fries.

I happened to be in the Frisco area for a bit today. Drove up to the In-N-Out to see if it was crowded. It was, so I decided that I can wait a few days/weeks. Five Guys was just fine in its place.

I don't really get the excitement, either. I love In-N-Out, but from my time in California, it wasn't some exotic thing. It was where you went on the way home from the beach, or what you got at school for lunch every third Thursday. I do remember the one in our town having a terrible loudspeaker, though. Maybe that's part of the charm?

Josh's broken records
Josh's broken records

A cashier speaks through the somehow-already-crappy-and-static-y intercom, "Number 85." Four-foot tall dude next to me in an Affliction shirt screams, "This is it!!!!!" And takes his tray full of food off the counter like it's full of unicorn gold.

Sounds like the host of the Sportatorium, Richie Shitts...got the same height, attire and lack of taste and I think that's 105.3 the Fails rating (#85). POW

Coleman
Coleman

Jeeeeesus christ, this sounds like a freakshow. I like In-N-Out as much as the next guy who's ever been to California, but this shit is getting ridiculous.

Barney Gumble
Barney Gumble

In-N-Out should hire you as their ad writer."In-N-Out. It's better than a kick in the tits!"

brett
brett

There has never been a valid reason for me to travel north of 635, and this cements my point. I'll wait till they get one in Dallas before dealing with nutjob 'burbites.

Ezmano
Ezmano

Hell, I won't leave the 214 much less trek N. the 635...

The baaaaargers are baaaa great baaaaaa.

WCMason
WCMason

It best for you to stay close to home. Support systems are important, can't be too far from someone to assist with those ADL's.

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