Five Awesomely Easy Desserts for 4th of July

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We salute you, lazy asses!
Independence Day is coming up and you're in charge of bringing dessert to the office potluck, the familyfest or the epic drinkathon with your friends. Screw making a flag cake. Instead, assert your right to pursue happiness -- lazy = happy in our book -- and bring one of these easy-to-make (and way more creative) confections from our list of Five Awesomely Easy Desserts for 4th of July:

Pop Your Independence Cherry Pies
So semi-homemade, we're thinking of getting a boob job and banging our way to the top so we can be even more like Sandra Lee. Bring these easy-peasy mini cherry pies to your 4th-stravaganza.

To make the yummy little pies, all you have to do is buy some pre-made mini tart shells like these.Then, make your own cherry pie filling or buy some ready-made and fill your mini tart shells to the brim. Warm 'em in the oven if you feel ambitious.

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Cupcakesplosions: This dessert offers a lot of bang for your buck. Make some cupcakes. Sprinkle Pop Rocks on top. Commence fireworks frenzy of deliciousness.

While we're talking about Pop Rocks, here's a cool idea we saw on the Pop Rocks website: Rim your martini glasses with pop rocks instead of sugar. Mmm. More drink recipes from Pop Rocks here.
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"Fuck you, The British!" Twinkie Trifle: Are you too lazy to make the angel food cake and the sweetened whipped cream that your trifle recipe requires? Hell yeah. So sub in Twinkies and Cool Whip. They're way more American anyway.

Get yourself a giant clear bowl. Create a layer of Twinkies at the bottom. Then, a layer of Cool Whip. Then, a layer of strawberries and blueberries. Then, another Twinkie layer, another Cool Whip layer and another fruit layer and voila! Trifled.

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Chocolate-covered Freedom: Free yourself from hot-dog heartburn with a couple of these chocolate-dipped TUMS. There's simply no better dessert to follow up a day of binge eating.

Just melt some chocolate chips and dip in your favorite TUMS flavor. We especially like the tropical flavors. Dessert, plus calcium -- it's something your body needs anyway.


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Fuck It Bucket: Too much effort to make a dessert yourself? Bring a Fuck It Bucket (our favorite idea from Amy Sedaris' cookbook, I Like You). Simply buy a bucket, write "fuck it" on the side and fill it with lollipops. Or Twinkies. Or brisket. Hooraaaaay freedom!!
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18 comments
Noneofyourbusiness
Noneofyourbusiness

The "bucket" idea is unbelievable.  Yes, I believe in freedom, but at the very least, you should try to show a little class!  No wonder this country is in trouble.  Be sure and take the "bucket" to the Democratic National Convention.  I will be a huge hit there!

Britt Escoe
Britt Escoe

I've been eating a lot of the Ralphs Grade AA Large Eggs and a couple days before I heard about the recall I started getting stomach pains. They have gotten a LOT worse, I already went to the ER once, and if they could actually do anything for me I would go in again. This is literally the worst pain I have ever been in. I'll know by tomorrow if its salmonella or not, the doctors have no idea as of now.

skinny
skinny

HooRay!!!! for FREEDOM!!!! Says Marie, celebrate being in the land of the free..see how far you get when you light a spliff to really enjoy the fireworks, and end up in jail for 2 weeks instead, find somewhere else to shout that shit cuz your delusional.

keryy and beth are worried, what about the kids....the horrors, looks, little johhny and beth are gonna grow up and fuck their brains out and probably shoot smack, get the fuck over it and learn what the fuck independence stands for

cp
cp

Hey Beth, why are your kids reading Unfair Park?

Jake
Jake

OMG!It's a joke people!

beth
beth

what kind of language is this, no wonder kids learn from us

kerry
kerry

what kind of respect do you have for the public and for kids

Em
Em

@Marie

Oh, FFS, what crawled up your butt and died? There is this fantastic thing called a sense of humor. You should really get one. While you do that, I'll be having fun with my Pop Rocks thankyouverymuch.

Lori
Lori

@ Sara - I recently bought Pop Rocks at the Dollar Tree to rim drink glasses with after some drink I had at Joe's.

Gen
Gen

Poprocks FOR THE WIN!

Jadalina
Jadalina

OMG I am laughing so hard at the Fuck It Bucket! I don't think that'd go over too well at the neighborhood block party but I may have to bring that to a more adult oriented party at a later date. :D

Like the poprocks on cupcakes idea though!

dyann
dyann

I agree with marie!

Sara
Sara

Dude, where can I buy Pop Rocks? Last July 4th I looked everywhere (everywhere being wherever I was, if I thought of it). They are clearly a good choice for July 4th in all possible ways.

Carrie55
Carrie55

The bucket idea is too funny but we have too many kids at our July 4th BBQ to use it. I am making red, white and blue cake ball desserts and some patriotic strawberries. I found the recipes in the 4th of July article here: http://www.celebrationideasonl...... should be really cute and colorful.

Marie
Marie

Yeh!!!! That's real patriotic!!!!! Real creative in thought OR maybe that's your problem, can't think of something more creative for this holiday of the country that you are FREE in!!!! Move to a third world country and try your creative thinking there. See how far you get!!!!!

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