Dallas women drink, masses of kittens dead, world on verge of ending

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The Dallas Marketing Group has released a study wherein their findings reveal the tragic and seedy underbelly of local nightlife: more and more women are out there drinking, and--wait for it--they are having fun while doing it.

But please, don't worry. With just a little infantilizing hand-wringing and old-fashioned sexism, you too can pretend to do something to stop the ever-increasing plague of DFW women doing things like talking, having sex and drinking things other than a glass of warm milk before bedtime, when they cuddle up in their floor-length flannel nighties with their favorite stuffed animal and dream of the day a man will come make them whole. Per the DMG report:

"It's clear from the poll, however, that for many of these women
drinking alcohol has become a slippery slope. For some, their
consumption may head into a dangerous downward spiral."
What happens on this downward spiral? On the slippery-ass ride down the slippery slope? Oh, the horrors are nearly too grotesque to imagine: sex! multiple drinks! emulating film and television programming! Lordy, I do believe I just gave mahself the vapors.

Overreactive whining and moaning about women drinking has been trendy for some time now, with feminism usually taking the blame for getting women out of the kitchen, where they really would be if they really knew what was good for them, and into the bars with their friends, where they do things like not make sandwiches. This most recent survey is no different than many that have preceded it in nature: there's the plea for safety (women who drink get raped, remember, while this never happens to sober women), the Girls Gone Wild reference, the Sex and the City reference, etc.

Here's the thing: ostensibly, studies like this one from the DMG claim to be about "problem drinking." But almost invariably, what manifests itself as problem drinking in women is, well, anything that happens once a delicate flower woman gets within a mile of a glass of wine, whereas dudes with beers are just, you know, being dudes.

The signs of "problem drinking" in a woman according to the DMG are: drinking more with friends than she might on a date, talking about herself when she drinks, sleeping poorly and potentially driving while intoxicated. If I'm not mistaken, driving while intoxicated and crappy sleeping are signs of problem drinking in people of both/all sexes/genders. I anxiously await the study that worries over men having beers, hanging out with their buddies and talking.


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