15 Foods That Can Seriously Wound You

Categories: Lists
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It's a dangerous world out there.

Some of these foods are scary; some create tooth, skin or jaw damage. We're not talking about the unhealthy monstrosities in the fast-food world or the trans-fat-laden chain-restaurant menus. For the purposes of this list, we're picking a choice bunch of oversized and overstuffed food that can crack teeth, strain muscles or scald the living daylights out of you. Oh, and the ones that can downright kill you.

1. Popcorn kernels -- The effect is usually something like this: "Oh shit. There's a concave half-shell sitting in the back of my throat." You calmly cough. No luck. Four days later, you're hacking like a dog in the bathroom to get it out.

2. Rock candy -- Like sugaring the side of a mountain and sucking on it.

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3. Candy apples -- These little hell spheres cause enough braces repair to rate as an orthodontist's wet dream .



4. Durian fruit -- On the outside, it looks something like a hedgehog, but when you crack the spiny shell to get to the fruit inside, the smell is akin to that of feet, cheese and garbage.

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5. Caramel -- Don't get us wrong, caramel is awesome. Those miniature box-shaped candies, however, are like dental cement.

6. Laffy Taffy -- Like chewing on a vulcanized piece of rubber.

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7. Cap'N Crunch -- Why the hell would someone invent a cereal that has a sharp enough edge that it could be weaponized in prison?

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8. Hot pizza -- You know this one. You lift the pizza, and the freshly cooked cheese dumps off into your shorts-clad lap, where it burns your thighs like mozzarella napalm.

9. Totinos Pizza Rolls -- Deceptive little buggers. They have that beautiful crust...and then you bite in. Steam pours from the ears, the tongue blisters and throbs...

10. Jolly Ranchers -- Should be used as bricks to build miniature houses, not food.

11. Granola balls -- OK, we don't remember what they were called, but they were these marble-sized granola snacks that our parents gave us as kids. They were the exact diameter of a toddler's (our) windpipe.

12. Big League Chew -- The 'roided out guy on the package always encouraged us to pack enough shredded gum into our mouths (like the real players do it!) that we'd inevitably need the Heimlich.

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13. Fugu - This is the Japanese word for "pufferfish," and if it's not prepared correctly, it's tetrodotoxin (as noted in the Wikipedia page for "Fugu") can kill you in 24 hours.

14. Peanuts - Three words. Severe. Peanut. Allergy.

15. Chicken bones - One of the scariest scenes in Beetlejuice is not the sandworm, but the scene in which Alec Baldwin is in the waiting room for the afterlife, where a few unlucky souls are sitting. One poor bastard has chicken bone horizontally lodged in his wind-pipe. The message: It could happen to you. Chew that food, man.


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