Five Douchebag Food Mascots
In tailoring this look, some food products have achieved the most annoying offense: pitch men who wittingly or subliminally border on douchebaggery. We here at City of Ate have created a list highlighting these male marketing gaffs: See below, the five douchiest male food mascots.
1. Papa John - His commercials where he "crashes" a TV set and gets the audience to chorally shout "better ingredients, better pizza" is worthy of the D-Bag title all by itself. Also, that picture from the Papa Johns website featuring a boyish looking Papa tossing pizza dough in front of a Tuscan backdrop--it's fast food pizza, doufus, not some rolling countryside find. And Papa John's founder, John Schnatter, is not from Italy--he's from Indiana.
2. Golden Crisp "Sugar Bear" -- This may be an icon for younger kids, but as an adult you realize that the Golden Crisp Bear looks like that bleached surf-hair dude you saw coming out of Hollister, sipping on Jamba Juice. You remember that guy? That guy you wished would be devoured by a shark on his next wave run.
3. Gorton's Fisherman - Yes, you're a "bad ass fisherman," but take off that slicker once and a while and put on a cable-knit sweater and a tweed hat or something. We get the point, Gort, you're a friggin' fisherman.
4. Chester the Cheetah - Sunglasses in a Cheetohs factory? His previous job could have been as the "Girls Gone Wild: Miami" host.
5. Jared Fogle, Jared, my douche, you've had an amazing run as the Subway spokes-master. But no matter how much weight you've lost, no one equates Subways with healthy living. And we're sick of looking at your over-sized jeans.Get rid of them, and those chinos can go, too.