A Baker's Dozen of Authentic Munchies Recipes

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From Holytaco.com
Last week, we discussed The New York Times' article on "haute-stoner cuisine" and, in response, we offered up some dishes from local restaurants that totally speak to the high mind.

This sparked (ha!) some discussion regarding much more low-brow, what's-left-in-the-pantry culinary invention. The City of Ate has polled um, some, uh, nearby people and come up with 13 of our favorite stoner combos. The list ranges from fairly appetizing to laughable to just plain sad, so if you're reading this post-toke, proceed with caution.

13. Sugar-Free Peep S'more: The idea behind this one isn't too far off the norm, but the shoving an innocent Peep on a stick and charring him over the campfire adds a entirely different feeling. So does the burnt sugar substitute. It adds socks to your teeth that don't want to come off anytime soon.
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12. WhataSnickers: Ever eaten a Snickers? Sure you have. Ever eaten a Snickers after dipping it in leftover Whataburger cream gravy? Don't!
11. Carrots and honey: This, again from an anonymous source, was mentioned not only for its strange foodfellows, but for its homey thoughtfulness. Says the smoker, "The honey soothes the throat if your apparatus doesn't temper things before [you inhale]."

10. Tiny chicken Parmesan sandwiches: When crafted with frozen nuggs and canned tomato sauce, this takes on a distinct "we're too stoned to order food" vibe.
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9. Twinkie and Doritos: The exact verbiage on this one is important. Says the smoker, "I once ate a Twinkie bisected by Nacho Cheese Doritos." Hand gestures were offered. Demonstrations mimed.

8. Apple butter and French bread: Doesn't seem all that strange, again. But one of the things about the munchies is not necessarily the desired ingredient, but the quantity of food you're willing (and able) to consume. Consider that in this particular instance, the recipe called for 1/2 a jar of apple butter and an entire loaf of French bread.
*Honorable mention for quantity: Someone ate an entire cereal bowl of green olives.





7. Scotch egg: A Scotch egg is essentially a hard-boiled egg fully encapsulated in ground sausage, battered and deep fried. The amazing thing is, in this case, our anecdotal stoner had never actually heard of one before he crafted his.
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6. Potato salad sandwich: Not a good scene. Just suck it up and shamelessly polish off that tub of store-bought potato salad with a fork and call it a night. Bread doesn't make it go down any easier.

5. "Shame Spread": The preface to this should probably read, "This person, though in their 30s, has the pantry of an 80-year-old." A mix of Old English cheese spread, Underwood's Deviled Ham and cream cheese was once concocted and then spread on, not crackers, as you might expect, but Ruffles potato chips. Baby dill pickles are an optional garnish.
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4. WTF Cocktail: Jim Beam, Mountain Dew and Jolly Ranchers (flavors unspecified). We think you can tell this did not end well.

3. "Fat Sandwich": Developed by one of our staffers as a child, it was later perfected during high times. Prepare open-face; apply mayo and Parmesan cheese to two slices of bread. Top with cotto salami and more parmesan. Broil. "Smush" halves together. Toast outside of bread in pan if desired.

2. Cheese salad: In a bowl grate cheddar (or Colby Jack, though preferably cheddar upon retrospect). Mix in Bacos and Fritos. Proportions are subjective. What is not subjective, however, is the instruction to "eat with spoon." Apparently, this is key. Also, the question of dressing was met with a mildly accusing stare, so, um, no dressing.

1. Dorito-ed eggs: Attempts to recreate this dish sober, at least to the extremes of awesome it met originally, have failed. It's a basic deviled egg recipe -- and yes, with the fresh and finely diced pickles -- only it lacks paprika and instead includes an unknown amount of crushed Doritos in the mixture...oh, and a Doritos "flag" on top of each one.

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31 comments
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Davesenden
Davesenden

that all looks great! Everytime I create some new munchie recipe I post it on www.jonkfood.com, some site that hosts the most delicious munchie inspiration:P

Chef Extrodinaire
Chef Extrodinaire

Two eggos waffles toasted put peanut butter and chocolate chips in the middle of the two for a Reses Sandwitch...Be careful though...you must have milk around this will intensify cotton mouth...

anonstoner
anonstoner

So one of my favorite stoner recipes has always been as follows

1 package Easy-Mac macaroni and cheese1 package chicken flavored ramen

prepare both as directed, thoroughly drain ramen, and combine together.

Sarah
Sarah

Mix half Parmesan cheese/half ranch to make an awesome dipping sauce, especially for things like wheat thins.

dustin
dustin

Lazy man's chili dog.

I woke up one day, sober, with a craving to do this. its not like chili dogs take much effort in the first place, but i cut it down to less than a minute. You take some frito bean dip, put a glob on a plate and warm it in the microwave for about 15-20 seconds. after that, take a hot dog and put it in there, nuke that for about 15-20 seconds. throw on a hot dog bun and slab the frito bean dip on it. its pretty damn delish. throw frito's on the top and some frito cheese dip for even more delish.

davelog
davelog

Get yourself a jello cup (even better with fruit floating in it), dump it out on a piece of toast, spread it evenly, and chow down. Marvy.

Brandon
Brandon

PB&J with Nacho Cheesier Doritos inside. Trust me...

That stadium is epic

Leon
Leon

When I am high I like to make Orange Julius' with Vodka :)

Hazz
Hazz

1 packet of Beef Ramen2 slices of pepperjack3 tablespoons of Sriracha1 bag of Lays Original potato chips

1. Crush Ramen so there are no pieces longer than a quarter inch and cook as usual.2. Strain water enough so that as you're mixing the water evaporates so it's like a 'slop'(If you eat ramen enough, you know how much water this is.)3. Mix beef flavoring in4. Mix in Sriracha5. Rip up and stir in 1 slice of pepperjack at a time, folding the Ramen so it doesn't stick to your utensil.6. Open up bag of chips.7. Dip your chip into ramen.8. Eat it.9. Enjoy the orgy in your mouth.

Jewfuck
Jewfuck

You're all a bunch of fat fuck americans. Enjoy your processed foods, and refined sugars... and DIABETES, mothafuckas!

Anonymous
Anonymous

MAyo, Cheese, fried egg, crunchy peanut butter and picalily sandwich. Hmmmm! I think there may even have been some ketchup too!

rob t
rob t

Haha no way this list is hilarious. I need to try the dorito-ed eggs.

Lmao
Lmao

Wheat thin cracker, old cheddar cheese topped with a square of milk chocolateOh baby oh baby!

Hahahahaha
Hahahahaha

The football stadium got my vote as winnah, yeah - second place goes to the Peep S'more, onna-a-bull men-shuns go to all the commenter-posted recipes!!

Auto Insurance
Auto Insurance

Wow those are some impressive snacks. I like the football stadium made of snacks lol

H4X0RJ3FF
H4X0RJ3FF

if ur high u should try ice cream )flavor doesnt really matter i used chocolate) a layer of cheetos, and top it all off with a healthy layer of whip cream!!! it def hits the spot when ur high!!!

Makoswell
Makoswell

ellio's pepperoni pizza drizzled with stouffer's welsh rarebit cheddar cheese sauce. Topped with Frank's Red Hot sauce. I miss college

Buzzby
Buzzby

Buzzum Special:

Fry up 4 slices of bacon in a pan (2 for you, and 2 for your stoned buddy who brought the herb). Put the slices of bacon on a plate and then fry two eggs in the same pan in the bacon grease. Top each egg with cheese and then put a lid on it to melt the cheese. Serve bacon and egg w/cheese on top of a toasted slice of wheat bread with butta. Enjoy your wake n bake!

TheDude
TheDude

Pringles and Dove Ice Cream Bars, eaten in alternation (take a bite of Pringle, take a bite of Dove Ice Cream Bar, take a bite of Pringle, take a bite of Dove Ice Cream Bar, ...)

Rutgersman
Rutgersman

The "fat sandwich" is a Rutgers University creation. Look it up buddy.

XDisk
XDisk

Chocolate fudge frosting from a can smeared on graham crackers.

Nothing better. Mmmmmm!!!

X.

yo its parker
yo its parker

heres another one. Melt your face off salsa 4 habanero peppers1 can diced or sliced tomatoes1 handful cilantro leaves(depends on texture desired i have gone to 2 handfuls)1 tbsp garlic saltblend. put into container and eat with just about anything.

HowCookFood.com
HowCookFood.com

This is great. I remember finishing a tube of peanut butter once. I've made a few crazy concontions in my day while munching. Desperate times call for...

deadweight
deadweight

chip cheese sammich, basically 2 slices of bread slathered with miracle whip, cheese (sliced cheddar preferably) and all the lays potato chips you can smoosh between the bread

TLS
TLS

LOL!

I'm embarrassed to say I once made the tiny chicken Parmesan for my kids. No, I wasn't stoned. Yes, I was lazy.

Anonymous
Anonymous

badass munchies food: tonkatsu leftovers from Gen Roku.

Merritt
Merritt

Both posts regarding drugs were simply in response to that New York Times article we mentioned.

We're all in relatively good control of our faculties, rest assured.

Jamie
Jamie

What's the Observers sudden obsession with drugs in the food blog? Do you have a new writer or editor that needs rehab?

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