As America Celebrates 233 Years of Democracy, We Crown A New Corn Dog King

Categories: Whimsy
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Patrick Michels
Hughey, glowing with pride and a harsh case of meatsweats, hoists his walking hot dog trophy.

Last week, web editor Patrick Michels threw down the gurgitation gauntlet, challenging a few local media members to compete against him and me at the Libertine Bar's inaugural Brass Knuckle CornDog Beatdown Saturday, July 4. None had the stomach for the fight, begging out of the competition with pathetic excuses like "I'm going out of town" and "I'm a vegetarian."

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Merritt Martin
All that's left of the dozen and four corn dogs that crossed Jesse's plate Saturday.

Well, they were right to be afraid: City of Ate took the top two spots in a field of about 20 competitors. In a 15-minute mastication marathon, Michels took an impressive early lead, scarfing down two dogs at a time and putting away his initial 6-dog plate in under three minutes. If it were a 10-minute bout, he would have run away with it. But he wasn't able to maintain his early pace, and I eventually managed to surpass him. By the final buzzer, I'd consumed 16 corn dogs to win the competition. Michels was runner-up with 14. We easily out-ate our closest competitors, Ryan Jones and Josh Peek, who tied for third with 11 apiece. To settle it, they engaged in a tequila triple-shot contest.

After the jump, check out more photos, plus excellent footage by Girl Drinker Merritt Martin. It captures the winning techniques of City of Ate's two representatives, their nemesis Gavin "Sexual Tyrannosaurus" Mulloy, threats and taunts from the foul-mouthed crowd, the tatted-up dog-slinging chef Roseanne Dileo, several near-puke incidents and finally, the third-place tequila tiebreaker. The hand-held footage puts you right in the action--so close, you can almost smell the nitrates.

The State Fair can't get here soon enough.

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Jake Barnhart
The crowd erupts as the final buzzer sounds

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Jake Barnhart
...While some eaters struggled to avoid erupting all over the crowd.

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