10 Questions: Mom

Categories: Ten Questions

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Yep, mom.

In honor of Mother's Day--technically yesterday, but what the hell--mom sets things straight. She grew up in the Lead Belt of Missouri, graduated from Mizzou and taught university English and Communications...as well as tossing some batting practice here and there. After all, her father had been one hell of a pitcher in his day.

Just an aside, but both of my parents were born in years when the Cardinals made it to the world series. And mom's year was the same as the fabled Gashouse Gang.

She learned to cook from her mother, who was from a German family. Fortunately, she learned the flavor of America's south. She's also cooked thousands of family meals, here and across both big oceans.

And she never lost the joy of serving beets to kids who despised them...

1. Why did you make us eat beets? I didn't ever make you eat beets.

2. Yes you did... Beets are colorful and add variety to your diet.

3. Couldn't you have served those caramel saltine bars instead? Well, I probably thought beets were cheaper.

4. Why is it that mothers make kids eat stuff that doesn't taste good? Life is tough. Remember the song 'I Never Promised You A Rose Garden'? Consequently, you have to learn from the beginning things don't come easy. 'It Don't Come Easy'--that's another song. Ringo Starr had a good mother.

5. So you don't care about kids' happiness? Happiness is illusory. What's happiness to one person may not be happiness to another. You want to give kids a touch of reality. It builds character--and causes kids to separate the id from the ego. Mothers know best.

6. Why didn't you eat those recipes we cooked as kids? I don't remember what those were. It probably had chocolate in it. Who knows what else you put in it--probably mud. Did you eat any of it?

7. How much fun is it to shop for a family? Oh, it's a riot. You get up every day looking forward to it. 'Oh, boy--I get to push the cart'...Actually, I like upscale, unusual markets. But daily shopping? Probably only in China is it more tedious, but that's because we didn't have refrigeration and had to shop three times a day.

8. Which would be better: Guantanamo or my brother's cooking? That's a difficult choice. I both cases, food gets served. It's probably about the same, but you'd get more of it in Guantanamo.

9. How many ways can you get zucchini on a plate? Well now, quite a few--if you people hadn't caught on. There's fried, baked, in a tomato sauce, zucchini bread, zucchini cake, relish...

10. What's your favorite food? Ooh--I actually like all food.


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