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(Un)sound Bites

Which End Is Up?

By Dave Faries, Monday, Apr. 6 2009 @ 12:48PM
Comments (6)
Categories: (Un)sound Bites

Toilet_370x580.jpg
Think about this when you dine at Dallas' better restaurants.

A couple good things have come out of the recession, when you stop and think about it.

Some of the high end restaurants trimmed their prices, for one thing. Prix Fixe menus have become the rage. Places like Blue Collar Bar and Kent Rathbun's new place celebrate the depression era 'blue plate special'--essentially a pre-McDonald's value meal. And several of the snootier venues now welcome a jeans and t-shirt crowd.

Even before talk radio traced our economic collapse back to Obama (and coincidentally uncovered a plot to turn us into socialists, like those freedom-hating Canadians), an ugly trend emerged--one that a financial crisis only seems to encourage.

That's right, I'm talking about sliders.

Nothing against miniature sandwiches, mind you. It's just that the word has no place on an upscale restaurant menu...unless, of course, you prefer to associate fine dining and the sudden, rapid functioning of the bowels.

You see, most people who look into such things claim "sliders" began as a derisive term for those greasy little White Castle burgers--as in, "slides right in, slides right out." Another insulting name attached to the chain, "porcelain palace" alludes to the same internal function. Those given to cringing over public discussion of diarrhea or other gastrointestinal problems blocked the concluding phrase from their minds and focused on the "slides right in" part.

A little better--although for high end kitchens the thought of cooking hunks of meat so small and oily guests can swallow them whole, the improvement is only marginal.

Now the folks at White Castle were a smart bunch. In order to defuse the situation, they adopted the nasty bit of slang, renaming the mini-burgers "slyders" (using a 'y' for trademark purposes). Eventually the name-slinging fizzled and people began to accept the term.

Guess Americans were no less gullible to marketing then.

Still, it seems odd that the better restaurants hasten, these days, to celebrate any of this by placing 'sliders' on their menus. Part of this has to do with the continuing 'small plates' trend. The economy makes lower-priced items more appealing, as well. But I'm concerned with the mental image. I mean, should Nana come out with roasted pheasant gut bombs? Should we exchange fart jokes with our waitress at Aurora? Maybe establishments should rename their meat-carving areas "constipation stations."

Why not? Once we've embraced sliders, there's no reason to hold back.

Just to reiterate: Nothing wrong with a menu including mini gourmet sandwiches. Just maybe drop the gastrointestinal angle.


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Comments (6)

John says:

"And several of the snootier venues now welcome a jeans and t-shirt crowd."

What you call snooty I call classy. Is it really so great if denim becomes universal? If you require casual, go to your local chain family venue. I personally don't want to spend a special evening out and be seated next to someone wearing a T-shirt and baseball cap.

Posted On: Monday, Apr. 6 2009 @ 1:57PM
Noah says:

That was my formal baseball cap, buddy. And my cleanest tuxedo t-shirt. Alas, my denim suit was in the dryer.

Posted On: Monday, Apr. 6 2009 @ 4:47PM
luniz says:

you know John, not all of us have butlers, maids, and robots at our beck and call every day to make this sort of thing feasible. Getting a clean pair of slacks ready to wear is a weeks long process.

Day 1, hours 1-4: Dig pair of khakis out of back of closet
Day 1, hours 4-: wash pants twice or until puke stain is removed
Day 2: hang pants on hanger, then hang hanger on the 'oh shit' handle in the back of the car. Drive to Carrolton, or Lake Texoma.
Day 3: locate iron & ironing board. Remove cover from ironing board, wash twice or until puke smell is removed
Day 4: Try to con a female into ironing pants
Day 5: Having failed on day 4, attempt to iron pants. Turn iron on full bore, set on stove to generate extra heat. Lay pants on ironing board, close eyes, apply iron to pants while hoping for the best
Day 6: buy new pair of slacks. Waist size went up an inch or two anyway.

Posted On: Monday, Apr. 6 2009 @ 5:19PM
Margie says:

You know, I never think of White Castle when I think of sliders. I try not to think of White Castle at all.

Posted On: Monday, Apr. 6 2009 @ 6:13PM
kYle says:

John, if I let the appearance of another patron have any impact on my evening, it never could have been special in the first place.

Posted On: Tuesday, Apr. 7 2009 @ 12:54PM
BB says:

Margie: You might be the exception to the rule, but; when does any woman "think" of anything besides her appearance/-self?

Noah, luniz, & kYle: I think you will agree and appreciate the following.

John: If my "Sunday best/funeral" attire is not "up to par" with any given establishment's (or their patron's) "dress code" then they ARE too snooty and don't deserve "any repute or respect" to begin with; and if I'm involved in a "special evening", then my attention is with those that I SHOULD be concerned with. In the unlikely event that "she/one of them" would comment on such a trivial matter, I would simply remind that one should "Judge not, lest ye be judged." Perhaps you were too busy worrying about "paying too much for too small of a portion, or the end-experience/quality" - the prime basis of most modern restaurant's "reputation" - or as you inferred, class(?).

Dave: As a member of CHOW.com I realize that you are a writer or contributor to a food column, and as such must "produce something" in order to be paid, but is "what" a restaurant calls a given meal REALLY the most important part of your vocation? I would think that you, as a "professional", would be more concerned with the actual quality of ingredients, and the preparation & presentation of its meals; or doesn't that generate enough controversy to satisfy your ego or editors?

Posted On: Wednesday, Apr. 8 2009 @ 3:46PM

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