How 'Bout Them Knockers: Rocco's Uptown

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Order Doritos and end up with this.

Rocco's Uptown
2916 McKinney
Dallas, TX 75204
(214)871-9207

Promised delivery time: 30 minutes
Actual delivery time: 60 minutes

Ordering online and not worrying if you will be put on hold listening to Kenny G : 20
Singing along with the website's Italian music while I ordered : 30
Comment box remembering to cut my onions: 25
Comment box forgetting my ranch: -3
30 minutes over the website's promised delivery time : -12
Having the 'ol switcharoo pulled on me with my chips: -5

Total: 55


Overall Standings

Chef House 79
Panda Delite 78
Dallas Gourmet Grill 71
Rocco's Uptown 55
Skillman Wok/Border Express 54
Zini's Pizzeria 51
LA Gourmet Pizza 47


We're about ten years into the era when technology and food delivery began to merge, and no, I don't mean having robots deliver your large pepperoni pizza to your house in a Prius. We have another ten years before we reach that point. I mean ordering food online, thereby cutting out middle man on the phone.

You know, cutting out that pesky moment of human contact.

I had a long day at work, and didn't feel like making my famous pork and beans. I craved something easy and greasy, and my go-to guy for that is always Rocco's Uptown and their simple online ordering system.

So I gathered the troops (my roommate and two dogs) and we ordered away online while listening to their Italian music play loudly on the website. The whole process is very easy--they even have a comment box so you can direct them to add this or cut that. Not being a lover of onions (and deciding on the Philly cheesesteak) the comment box was my best friend. Finally, my roommate decided on what she wanted. We preceded to checkout, and prepared for our feast to come.

We decided to pop in our favorite bromance movie, Pineapple Express, while waiting. Our promised delivery time ticked by so I looked up at the door waiting for someone to knock.

Nothing.

At the forty-five minute mark I was pacing back and forth in my kitchen ready to open the door at any minute...still nothing.

Fifty-five minutes rolled around. My patience no longer intact, I called Rocco's to see just where the hell my sandwich was at--which means instead of making things faster, their online ordering system adds a preliminary step before you pick up the phone and contact that age-old middle man. So much for technology.

The nice man on the phone assured me that it would arrive shortly. They were running behind that particular evening.

Five minutes later came that knock I had been waiting for.

I quickly grabbed the bag and signed the receipt while my roommate held back our ferocious pug and dachshund. I didn't even ask if the driver had an excuse...like maybe the pack of wild dogs rumored to roam the city attacked his neon green Geo or Tom Hicks had buzzed to see if he wanted a bullpen spot--something outlandish and entertaining.

No story. And no chips with my sandwich, either--just a bland salad.

OK, so the salad is healthier; I was really craving nacho cheese Doritos. Then my roommate noticed they forgot the ranch to go along with our fried mushrooms, too. Oh, now you've done it! You can take away a girl's chips, but not her ranch dip. At this moment, the comment box was my worst enemy.

Our meal was kind of cold and not as welcome as it has been in the past. I was a little let down in my go-to guy Rocco, but I will order there again because we all have our off nights and deserve a second chance.

Just don't forget my damn ranch next time!


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