How ‘Bout Them Knockers: Bangkok City

Patrick Michels
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A great night for America and its Thai delivery food.

Bangkok City 4503 Greenville Ave. 214-691-8233

Promised in: 60 minutes
Delivery time: 72 minutes

The Score
A. Order
1. Degree of Difficulty: 2
2. Minutes spent on phone (subtract from 10): 7
3. Ease of communication: 5

B. Food
4. Performance: 4
5. Degree of Difficulty: 2
6. Beverage bonus: 7

C. Delivery
7. Performance: 5
8. Degree of Difficulty: 10
9. Electoral votes awarded as food arrived: 21 (Pennsylvania)

D. Intangibles
10. Delivery guy’s willingness to pose with food: 10

Total: 73

Like many of my fellow Americans, I headed straight home from work on Election Night last week, and parked it on the couch until well past 11. Removal from the couch happened only when absolutely necessary.

Like Super Bowl Sunday’s national halftime flush, I had the feeling our collective couch-boundedness Tuesday night would strain the infrastructure of our delivery systems. I decided to join in.

My choice: Thai delivery from Bangkok City. Salad rolls with chicken in the rice paper wrappers, and -- this being a night for change -- the basil noodles with the seafood combo, both recommended by reviewers on Yelp. To make things interesting, I’d see if they would pour me a Thai iced tea for delivery, too.

When I placed the order, the phone call was a mess -- mostly because I was ordering off the wrong restaurant’s menu. I had the Web site for the Bangkok City on Bryan at Peak in front of me, but I was on the phone with the Bangkok City on Greenville at Oram. This got confusing when I asked for the Thai salad rolls, which the woman on the phone called Imperial rolls. She asked how spicy I wanted my noodles, and I checked the menu in front of me (from the other restaurant) and picked the third-spiciest level, “Adventurous.”

“You want the spicy adventure?” she asked, playing along. I immediately agreed, a mistake that could have led to untold confusion, especially if I'd actually been in Bangkok city.

Patrick Michels
Somebody called for a spicy adventure?
Delivery was promised in an hour, but it took fifteen minutes longer than that -- clearly, election night was putting a strain on the drivers. The delivery guy never apologized for being late, but he was friendly enough to pose for a quick photo at the door.

As I shut the door, though, I realized the bag of food was a dripping mess, and I had visions of myself slurping Thai iced tea from the bag, covered in sugary orange goo while Tom Brokaw burbled at me about the Kansas electorate.

Turns out, it was the noodles that had leaked everywhere, not the tea. More problems with the seafood dish followed in rapid succession. The noodles were lukewarm by the time they arrived, making the scallops and squid particularly worrisome. In the spice department too, Bangkok City failed to bring the heat -- turns out, this wasn’t much of a spicy adventure, after all. Later in the night, as frantic Obama fans in Chicago went on about the butterflies in their stomach, I was enjoying a similar effect with greasy squid and crab in mine.

The order’s saving grace, though, was the Imperial rolls, which traveled better than the hot seafood dish. The celery sprouts, cucumber and mild chicken all made a subtle canvas for dipping in the plastic cup of peanut sauce (a special request, as the menu usually suggests sweet and sour). Best of all, the rolls survived a night in the fridge and performed well in another key test of delivery food – they made a great next-day meal too. -- Patrick Michels


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